TALKING: Super bloom poppy fields, a dead rat in the rape tunnel
STEW OR SOUP: Halynka loves chunky, People who like Manhattan clam chowder over New England clam chowder are in fact going to hell, and Kingsley would marry French onion soup.
JAZZ OR RAP: F*CK JAZZ and Kingsley would absolutely marry rap.
AN UNMARKED WHITE VAN FOLLOWING YOU AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD OR A MYSTERIOUS NEW RED LIGHT COMING FROM YOUR AC VENT: Halynka is pissed off that the van is following her, Kingsley is freaking out that someone might be recording him, and there are so many weird faces.
MORMONS OR SCIENTOLOGY: Those damn aliens, Super Bowl commercials, and Mormons are weird too. “GEORGE SMITH”?!?!
TALKING: Daylight savings, speaking valley, Sunday Funday, goat hairs, popping an eye out of your head, feeling rushed in the morning, and aching backs.
BRITNEY SPEARS OR CHRISTINA AGUILERA: Young Christina was a vocal showoff, Britney won’t ever dance like she used to, and we like Cher. ALSO, pregnant pauses.
PACIFIC OR ATLANTIC OCEAN: The colder the better, back East seafood, it’s a crime to steal pieces of the Great Wall, Kingsley has Hawaiians in him, and Halynka likes snow on the beach. ALSO, chunky East Coast sand.
FAME OR FORTUNE: Money, cheddar, broke and famous, Halynka is a famous nobody, and Kingsley would hate people approaching him on the street. ALSO, Leaving Neverland made Kingsley drink an entire bottle of wine during the first hour.
TALKING: Beading, new glasses and seeing leaves for the first time, “I didn’t know they had TOPS” in West Hollywood, and our first THING.
TWITTER or INSTAGRAM: Twitter has porn (which is great), Halynka gets used a lot, and Kingsley is one good pic!
CAKE or PIE: “Cake, cake, cake,” Halynka is a pie with no bottom?! Chocolate Pecan pie from somewhere special. WHOSE ALLEN?! ALSO, Australian Cattle Dog was stolen from our backyard by the E Street Gang.
STRIPES or CHEVRONS (zing-zags): Halynka likes vertical stripes, Kingsley likes chevrons. ALSO, 3D “Where’s Waldo?” What is Waldo? Why is Waldo? OH, AND ALSO, Batman.
TALKING: A sweet/dry martini, Halynka was at the hospital ALL DAY, stool sample size, Kingsley always pees and poops at the same time. We are so sorry about the grossness. Halynka can hear through her eyeball. Halynka’s arms are dead from all the shots.
PILLOWS or BLANKETS: Kingsley loves pillows, Halynka is a wet blanket, and using people as blankets.
BEING POPULAR or BEING UNIQUE: Taylor Swift is popular and basic, BJORK is fucking unique and can get away with not being recognized, and we love Marvel and Kill Bill.
OPRAH or ELLEN: Halynka hates lesbians 😉 but is the Mayor of Gay Town, Jesse Smollett, and women are constantly put down for being put down for being a strong business woman. Rolling Stones!!!